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n00bfiles - Viewing n00b: Drunks, Skiers and a goddamn gay

n00bfile #6830
  • Written By: jacko da c
  • Submitted: Jan 23, 2007 at 12:13 am
  • n00b's Name: Drunks, Skiers and a goddamn gay
  • Game: Real Life
  • Votes: 23
  • Score: 9.48
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I've been mulling around in my mind this story for a few weeks now, but only this weekend did something truly n00bish, partly my own fault but it still should not have happened, occur.

I'm from Maine and am a big time skiier. I also go to Boston College, a university notorious for the party scene, but needless to say I am still quite t3h n3rd, and I don't really party very much (but you all knew that already). Still it is pertinent to the story at hand.

Ok so over winter break this year I went to Colorado to ski for a week with the BC ski club. To start off, I hop on a plane, and meet about 25 other people, no one I have ever seen before in my life, at Denver International airport. We had to delay the bus because the fucking airline didn't transfer my baggage at Chicago O'Hare in time, and when they finally did arrive they took an hour to get my baggage off the plane. After an incredibly long bus ride, where EVERYONE except me and the bus driver got completely wasted, we get to the resort at about 11 at night. I'm so frigging tired from the day of traveling that I get my room squared away, and hit the hay. My three roommates had actually been there for a few days now, as they didn't travel with the rest of the group, and they are upperclassmen. At about 2 am they burst into the room, totally plastered, and the first thing I hear is "WHO FUCKING BROUGHT A LAPTOP?". Another turned to see me lying on the bed and said "WHO'S FUCKING SHIT IS THIS?" At this point I roll over and say "I'm your fourth roommate."
Now there are two very large beds in the room, and I'm in the shittier one, but I don't care. The other guys start fighting over who got to sleep on the other side of me on the shitty bed (I had the sense to bring a sleeping bag, so I was not actually under the covers), and they end up all piling into the same bed, and are so drunk that they won't shut up. Three guys, in one bed, basically going back and forth "GIVE ME SOME ROOM", "SHUT THE FUCK UP", "GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP" for about 5 minutes till they pass out.
Next morning those three are all hung over, and don't even go out skiing. I get on the mountain at about 10:30, and go straight till the mountain closed at 4. The skiing was shitty because there was so little snow, but I went all day nonetheless. I get back to my room, they are still in bed. Pathetic, I think to myself. I hop on my computer and start surfing the web, and basically do that for the night. I'm 18, and unlike most everyone else that was there, I don't have a fake ID, so I felt no need to go out at night.
Basically that was the structure to all four days, my roommates would be too hungover to ski, I'd ski all day and just surf the web at night. They'd come back at night so wasted, and just get into fights with each other over nothing, and shout "SHUT THE FUCK UP" at each other for a few minutes. One night one of my roommates came back only slightly wasted. He put on his ipod, and fell asleep on his back, and started snoring incredibly loudly. It was as loud as someone who pretend snoring as loud as they could, and to make matters worse, he was right next to me. So I rolled over and unplugged his ipod, hoping now he'd snore himself awake. No dice, kept on sawing. So I get up, grab a dry washcloth, and drape it over his face. Shit. Now he's making high pitched gasping noises. After about five minutes he rolls over due to lack of air, the cloth falls off his face, and he falls silent. I grab the cloth, throw it across the room, and the next morning he was the none wiser.

After a few days I come home, only to go skiing again the next day. My friend Caitlin and I take a day trip to a local Maine resort, and it was packed because it was the sunday before Martin Luther King day. I'm going down this one trail, when this kid comes up behind me, intentionally cuts me off, forces me to turn into a few bumps that I'm going way too fast to go over, and I just eat it after the third bump. The kid stops and shouts "HAHA LOSER!" in a little punk eight year old voice, and continues on. I was fine, it was a soft fall, but I couldn't believe that such little kids could be such pricks. Later on, I am cut off yet again by some n00b skier, and I am forced to go over this patch of sheet ice. I lose control, fall on my back, and take out this little 5 year old who was just standing talking to his dad. And to top it off, all this was in front of Caitlin, who wasn't very impressed.

So now we come to this past weekend. I went back to school the day after I went skiing with Caitlin, and then this past weekend I went to Quebec to ski. Well as you should know, the drinking age there is 18. We get on the bus Friday afternoon, and I pull out my organic chem textbook because I had a ton of work to do. Immediately the girl in the seat next to me said "I'm sorry but you aren't gonna get any work done on this bus ride. I'm way too obnoxious when I'm drunk." Another kid pipes in "yeah she's been known to make out with random people". I kinda stare at them blankly, and when another kid asked if he could sit where I was sitting, I obliged because I had way too much work to do to be distracted, and I got on a different bus. We got there friday night, and everyone after they drop their stuff at the hotel goes to this bar called "Chez d'Hagobert". So I follow suit thinking that it would be a pretty chill bar with maybe a few pool tables. Nope, it was a fucking club. On the first floor was a blasting loud live band, and on the second floor was a dance floor with blasting loud French-Canadian Techno music. I was gonna stay, but it was too loud, and after I found out that my debit card didn't work in any of the ATM's there, and I had no money, I just left and went back to the hotel. Next day I get down to the hotel lobby wearing my ski boots because I was trying to save time at the mountain, but the fucking consierge came over to me and said I wasn't allowed my ski boots in the lobby, so I take them off, go outside, and put them back on. He comes out again and says "Can't you see the sign [gestures to sign that isn't there]?? No ski boots!" So he fucking makes me walk to the bus, through the snow in about 10 degree F cold in my socks. We finally get to the mountain and I go skiing, and it wasn't too bad. Once the day was over we go back to the hotel, and wouldn't you know it, there's a sign with a simple picture of a ski boot in one of those O's with a dash through it.

I get back to my room, and do a couple hours of homework until I am totally done. Once done I can't decide what to do, so after a little while I decide to go grab some Quizno's. I get down to the lobby, and there is a sign telling all the BC kids to meet at a different bar than the night before. So I walk 3 blocks in subzero temperatures and a stiff 20 mph wind till I get to Quizno's, get a sandwich, and walk back to my room. I eat, and get changed, and go to the bar. Now here is where the real shit started.

This bar ended up being more what I had hoped for. They had a few pool tables, cheap beer, and it was pretty chill. I start off with a few beers from pitchers that were just floating around the joint, until I meet a pretty girl that was in my calc class the previous semester, and a guy that was in my french class the previous semester at the bar (like the table, not the building). He buys us all a round of drinks, and I start talking to the girl (or trying at least), and after a while I decide to go get more free beer. After about 8 or 9 drinks total, my head is swimming, because previous to that night the most I had had to drink in one night was three drinks. I start walking up to people I know and asking if I seemed drunk to them, and they said no. Go figure. Finally I try to go back to the girl, when this fucking gay kid from BU comes up to me and says "so are you straight or gay". Now I don't have anything against homosexuality in general, but I don't, as with pretty much all straight guys, appreciate a gay guy trying to pick me up. But I hold my tounge (mainly because I'm too wasted to tell him off), answer all his questions etc. From this point it's all a blur, and I don't remember what specifically was said. But I do remember that when he got distracted, I went to the other side of the bar, and got another beer. I down it, and whip out my cell phone to text my friend Mr. Square (the one from all the stories), when he comes up behind me, grabs my phone, and manages to get my number. But he was also stupid enough to put in his own number on my cell, so if he ever calls I can just ignore it. Anyways, at this point I don't remember what he specifically said to me, only that he grabbed my ass several times when trying to tell me what to do with a girl (he apparently thought I was quite dumb when it comes to this), grabbed my nuts a couple times for I can't remember what, and ran his hand through my hair saying it needed work. I am getting incredibly pissed off, and I was cursing myself inside for drinking so much, because I knew there was no way I could land a punch, let alone say anything that would get him to go away. To make matters worse, he asked who I was trying to pick up, so, trying to distract him I gestured to the girl from my calc class, whom I was just trying to talk to, not have a friggin one night stand with. But he goes over to her, and I can't remember what exactly he said to her, but I think he was trying to get her to hook up with me. I stood behind him meanwhile so he couldn't see me, but kept gesturing to the girl to end it, which she thankfully did, and she left. And after a few minutes of just waiting for him to get distracted, he finally does, and I grab my coat, and in a drunken furor flee from the fucking fag and that whole bar. I can't even remember anything between when I exited the bar and when I got back to my room. But I get back to the room, its about 12:30, and just start flailing things that are on my bed across the room, somehow brush my teeth, and go to bed. My roommates hadn't gotten back yet. The next morning (by the way these are different roommates as this quebec trip was an all freshman trip) I wake up and two of my roommates are on the floor sleeping. The other one was in the bed next to mine, in his boxers, with a girl who was still fully clothed, shoes, coat, and all. I start to pack my bags, and after a while she wakes up. I say to her, gesturing to my roommate next to her, "you should probably wake him up so he can pack his shit". She responds "Je ne parle pas Anglais...", and leaves the room. When he wakes up I ask him "Do you speak french?" He responds "no". "Did you even get the name of that canadian girl?" "What canadian girl?". "Never mind" I say to him. We ski the day, and go home. That night I sent the girl from the bar and my calc class a message through facebook saying that I was sorry if I put her in an awkward position, and thanked her for getting out when she did. She responded that she couldn't even remember what happened at the bar, and that she'd "see [me] soon".

"See you soon"...I'm starting to question whether or not I truely remember what happened that night, and that I only had 8 or 9 drinks, because I honestly don't know what on earth she means by this.