Welcome to n00bstories
When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome again. True story

n00bfiles - Viewing n00b: Archive of Incompetent Tanks

n00bfile #6793
  • Written By: DunkinDonutsPwn
  • Submitted: Dec 16, 2006 at 3:22 am
  • n00b's Name: Archive of Incompetent Tanks
  • Game: World of Warcraft
  • Votes: 16
  • Score: 9.56
You must be logged in to vote!
Translate Story
This is just a chunk out of the innumerable idiots I encoutner in WoW, specifically dedicated to the walking damage sponges we call tanks! All names are withheld to protect the stupid. I prefer to torture the stupid, but I digress.

Tank number one:
Alright, this was during my first real runs of RageFire Chasm (a horde instance, donchaknow) and I get a level 20 tauren as a tank. I have a fairly good party from 15-18 and he outright, in party chat just outright says 'lol u guys r fucked w/out me.' and conveniently loses his ability to read when his eyes pass over the sentence in which I point out our team is fairly balanced and I could just be the one tanking but it would make life easier if he did it. He goes on to tell the healer 'im ur first priorite, no mater wat always heel me even if everyone els dies jus heel me' the priest, being a friend of mine and not one to get in the middle of things, said nothing. So, basically, he pulls everything constantly throughout the whole instance, dies every time with the preist eventually getting fed up and not wasting mana and time on rezzing him, and he whines and yells at us for never doing anything (aside from attacking, the occasional pull when our tank is taking a breather, and healing the hell out of him with bandages and spells, all of which he conveniently left out) and we continue on with me as the tank and do just fine. Even though he never stopped yelling at me in whispers. Of course, I put him on ignore after the first two and I'm sure he got steamed.

Tank two:
He was fairly good halfway through the instance (Wailing caverns this time.) Then he just blanked out and went afk with three mobs on him and did nothing. Even after we were able to do a bit of aggro-juggling and prevent him from dying, he just stood there in the same spot and didn't move. We all know he was afk, so I kicked him from the group and that was the end of it.

Tank three:
This one is just the guy who never shuts the fuck up. He barks obvious orders or ones I said less than a minute ago, he always is shouting some sort of Leeroy-Jenkins type crap, and always yells and swears when he loses the die roll and oftentimes called the winner a 'dicehacker' whatever the hell that is. Needless to say: kick, pissed of whining, ignore list. Hip hip hooray.

Tank four:
This is a bit like tank two, except he's not afk. He leaves everything to us (including the tanking, despite how much we tell him a tank is supposed to *the crowd gasps* tank) and then just strikes the odd deathblow and loots evertyhing. As always, he draws aggro, tries to run away instead of tanking like his job, we just watch for the sake of vengeance, and he dies and whines and is kicked.

This is just a small peek into the innumerable tanks, mages, healers, damage-dealers, and the like that I've encountered. Next time I'll do healers *the horror.*