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n00bfiles - Viewing n00b: -]Cn[-SpazticWabbit

n00bfile #6789
  • Written By: nukchebi0
  • Submitted: Dec 11, 2006 at 1:14 am
  • n00b's Name: -]Cn[-SpazticWabbit
  • Game: Battlefield 2
  • Votes: 10
  • Score: 9.00
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This is going to be short. I don't care about the score at all. I just want my fellow BF2 players to watch out for this guy...

N00b: If you can't guess the n00b, you should be in Kindergarten, and not on this site.
Server: 24/7 Dalian Plant Insomnia 365
Reason: Read the story. I wouldn’t waste time I was supposed to be working on writing a story for you if I could sum it up for you in one sentence.

Story: I was playing on the aforementioned server. I only play 24/7 servers because I abhor the lengthy BF2 loading times, as well as the never-ending Client Data verification. The lag when loading a new map sucks, too. Anyway, I have played about three rounds when I notice that the teams are always unfair for China, who, as a result, always wins. While noticing that, I look at the scoreboard and notice that this guy is dominating the scores by 200% of the second place guy. Naturally, one would think he is a great. I did, too.

The next round changed my perceptions. I was switched to the U.S. team, which was fine. I don't play for the KDR or WLR, but to have fun. Flying is fun. The U.S. has the F-35B, which is decent, and easy to get into. China has the J-n00b (my name for the J-10, which was designed horribly, and consequentially is the most powerful fighter by leaps and bounds. Maybe I should write a n00bstory featuring DICE's programmers. The way the J-10 avoids missiles, you would think that it is the F-22. This is, in itself, funny, because the F-35B is a stealth aircraft, like the F-22, whereas the worthless J-10 isn't.), which isn't.

Anyway, I spawn at the beginning of the game and rush towards one of the F-35B's. However, I got a bad spawn position, and was beaten to the closest one. While I was looking for something to get in, I notice this message "TEAMKILL PUNISH: So-and-so punishes -]Cn[-SpazticWabbit for teamkill. (So-and so has 1 punishes and 0 forgives.) Instantly, I think, "Did he just do what I though he did?" The answer was yes. Ten seconds later,"-]Cn[-SpazticWabbit [J-10]A U.S. player. I then realize he just teamkilled for a jet, which qualifies him for n00bery right there. But he isn't finished becoming a true n00b, yet.

I observe him during the round, and notice that he is a carrier raper. To any annoyed BF2 player, this is the lowest form of life playing the game. The carrier is an easy source of points, no matter how well the ground situation is going for the U.S., because people always will wait for something on it. Carrier rapers take advantage of that by getting easy points off of slow-moving and departing aircraft, as well as soldiers without cover. It is, in essence, skilless, almost stat-padding. Carrier rapers who do that when their ground situation is less than optimal are even worse than normal carrier rapers, only because they are not playing for the team, and obviously just point grabbing.

Of course, he carrier rapes incessantly. Even when his team is losing 2-1 (in bases) on the ground, he bombs the carrier. After watching him bomb the carrier (missing me) I hop in the F-35, hoping desperately that I can get airborne before he gets me with the J-10. I don’t. Frustrated, I point out that he is a J-10 n00b (he wouldn’t do so well inside an F-35, because I was able to get many locks on him. The J-10’s avoidance ability saved him countless times) who stat pads. Obviously, this will elicit a response. I received one out of a textbook: “why because you suck? I then pointed out that there were four U.S. bases that he could help his team out by bombing instead, but he doesn’t respond.

The round ends. I play for three more rounds and observe the same carrier-raping behavior as before. As I less, I realize that he never was on the U.S. team, once. I had been switched around three times in 7 rounds. He was on China for all seven. This further cemented the J-10 n00bness.

After I quit, I was compelled to investigate his statistics on BF2s.com. I go there, and find his profile. I look for five things. Total score, time played (TP), aviator kills (AK), overall kills (OK) and team kills (TK.) Using these numbers, I found a couple of interesting ratios: AK-OK (as a percent) and TP-TK. These were to find out how much he used his favored vehicle for scoring, and to find out how many teamkills he committed per hour. I then went to mine, and found the same ratios, except for armor kills, since I use armor the most.

Here are the ratios: AK-OK TP-TK

SpazticWabbit 54.9% 3
Nukchebi0 35% .97

As we can see, he plays balanced, and for the team.

Anyway, just watch out for this guy. His statistics don’t lie, and if you play against him, be ready to endure massive amounts of carrier raping.

(Excuse any typos. I was in a hurry to finish this. They shouldn’t detract from the story.)